Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
