your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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he confused my yawn for an orgasm
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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