i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
