Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
