Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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