FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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