the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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