My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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