meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
