I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
