I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
