Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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