I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
