remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
