I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
