I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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