dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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