i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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