I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize
