I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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