Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You just made me feel so damn special
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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