i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
