it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
