You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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