i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
