He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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