I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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