just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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