Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
