when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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