I looked at my own cervix.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
