You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
