i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
