remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
