You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
