I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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