I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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