I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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