you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
