Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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