i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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