I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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