Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
