please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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