I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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