oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize