Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
