friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
