Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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