Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
