you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
