you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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