No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
