So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
