when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
