I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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