Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
