i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
