Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize