I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.