Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat