You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?