We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
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my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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