dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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